The Royal Turds


Who: Tanmay Bhat, Gursimran Khamba, Ashish Shakya, Rohan Joshi and Anuvab Pal
What they do: Recognise and award the worst films and talents of Bollywood in categories such as Fresh Feces of the Year and Dump of the Year
Humour Quotient: “5 guys saying things on stage that all of us would say at bars while having a drink with our friends”


How were The Royal Turds born?
Tanmay Bhat: The Royal Turds was born from a need to be able to say what we really want about Bollywood. There are multiple award shows, each of them awarding the only 5-6 movies that were genuinely good that year, whereas there’s not much for the 200 bad ones.

Why is it called The Royal Turds?
Our brand of comedy is very politically incorrect, outrageous, risky, irreverent and perhaps even juvenile. We were looking for a name that would encompass all these. Plus, it’s a tribute to the numerous dumps Bollywood takes on its audiences every year.

Does Bollywood have a sense of humour for The Turds?
We [shot] a video with Alia Bhatt where we parodied her song Ishq Wala Love (you can find this on YouTube by searching ‘troll alia’). This was super sporting on Alia’s behalf and she got a massive amount of credibility online by her fans and even people who weren’t fans…which proves that if you have a sense of humour in Bollywood, you get massive brownie points.

Are The Turds making you rich?
This question is hilarious. Our first show cost us a few lakh rupees: venue charges, production, licenses, etc. of which we recovered barely 50% through tickets because we charged very little to enter…The show, thankfully, was well received and we’re doing a string of shows to follow it up. The idea is to get a brand established. Money will fol low. That’s the faith.

Quick Laughs

When did you guys realise you were funny?
I can’t speak f or the others, but I know that me being funny was born out of necessity. I was a fat kid (still am ridiculously fat) and the only way I could make friends was by being funny. Soon, there were open mics in the city and I tried my hand at stand-up and things worked out.

What makes you laugh?
In no particular order: my mother’s antics, India, politics, the differences bet ween urban and rural India, and most importantly, truth. 

What’s your favourite category in the Turds?
Director of the year. We didn’t nominate actual directors. We nominated those things/people who we think genuinely gave the film direction. This meant n ominating Aamir Khan for Talaash, Bihar for Wasseypur, DVDs for Barfi and weed for Aiyya.

Who would you award in the following categories?
• Flush it down award: Anything by Abbas-Mustan
• Most likely to give you constipation award:Anything by Abbas-Mustan
• Smelliest turd award: Anything by… you guessed it, Abbas-Mustan

Who would you gift a sense of humour?
Mamata Banerjee. Seriously, the woman needs to calm down. It was just a  cartoon, lady. No need for jail.

What came first – the laugh or the joke?
Actually, neither. The premise came first. Then the set up. Then the punchline. Then the laugh.


Volume 2 Issue 10


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