A first date is a lot like trying a new dish – you will either love it or hate it. There is no getting used to it because it’s not hostel food. But a first date is trickier than a meal especially after morality aunts have long fixed a recipe for first dates – coffee, dinner, and at the most a peck on the cheek. This is a safe field to play in but no one said you can’t do more.
Coffee shops are ideal spots to meet and estimate the time you can spend together and see if there is a connect. Things may be steamy online or over the phone but with someone across the table, it’s a new ball game altogether. Your date could be a friend, prospective sex buddy, or relationship material. Plot out all the possibilities over coffee before you start making moves. The quest for fun should not leave you in a retrospect coma.
Mostly all first dates have one motive – to seduce, and typically end with one of two reactions – dump or jump. But how far you would go on your first date depends on your mutual attraction. But how do you gauge interest? For the confused, there are signs that can show you the way.
1. THE FRIEND ZONE
It so happens that you have too many things in common and agree on everything. If both of you are saying, “I was about to say that,” and thinking, “he/she is a lot like me,” then this clearly is the start of a great friendship. Anna reminisces about how she met her flatmate, Navin: “We were talking about our drinking misadventures, past relationships, travel plans, and how we have the hots for this one or that one. I was thinking how perfect he would be for my best friend.” If the conversation starts going into past relationships then you know for sure you are entering buddydom; you both are comfortable with each other but are not looking at each other as partners.
2. TALK OR NOT?
You have been chasing this one for a while and finally, have a date. You have taken extra care to dress up, smell good, and think of conversation starters. When you meet your delectable delight, the evening surpasses all expectations and you want more. More than reciprocation of smiles, you are thinking bases while the other person is playing innocent. It may not be bad news. Your date could be really into you but may not want to rush. He or she may want to talk a little more. Use the time to understand if you have a future; you will have enough and more time to get intimate later. Stef says, “If I really like the girl, I would make the date memorable and even though I want to take her to the closest corner and make love to her, I would hold on and leash the conversation dragon free.”
3. SEX APPEAL
Are you staring at your date’s lips or eyes? Keep a napkin handy to wipe off the drool. Girls, stop playing with your hair and keep the pout and parted lips look in control. The situation being such, you are thinking of consuming your date for dinner if that could be possible. Says Isha, “On my first date with Nick (current boyfriend of five months), I wanted to eat him more than my pasta.” Sometimes, it’s cool to just be a scavenger and hunt for meat if that’s what you want from your date. If your date is hot and you are having a good time, then you could take the fun to the next level. Drop necessary cues; suggest your obsession with tequila shots and dance floors. Allow your date to come up with the name of a club. Dance, observe and figure out if this is what you want to end up with in bed. You can tell a lot about a person in bed by the way they move on the dance floor.
You take your date head to a bar after your meal, movie or coffee and drown your inhibitions with alcohol. For two hours, you flirt outrageously with each other. This it is a sure sign that your date wants more this night. “After the barman threw us out, he suggested we go to his place and I didn’t say no. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and had the greatest carpet sex ever,” Melissa plugs in on her first date with her boyfriend. No matter what the alcohol barometer says, make sure you make the necessary detour to the chemist for the cling film.
5. IN A KISS
“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous,” said the immortal Ingrid Bergman. If you are looking for oxytocin for dessert, go for the tongue dip. “I was really done with all the bourgeois conversation and all I wanted to do was kiss her. She was resting her hand on me and brushing her body against me. It was sign enough,” narrates Paras. But if you want to wait for signs, observe body language and then plant a kiss. It could go very wrong and end up in disappointment. How do you know? Well, you can always ask. Rashmi went out a blind date with Joshua and things were getting steamy on the dance floor. He simply asked, “Can I kiss you” and Rashmi relented. The trick to a kiss – keep it simple, stupid.
Spot these leads early on and turn your date into a night to remember. Don’t preoccupy yourself with thoughts of what your date will think of you; instead, focus on having fun, talking, and getting to know each other. Conversations can be stimulating if you are imaginative, but stay away from discussing the weather, past relationships, and current sorrows. Take the date as far as you can handle without feeling bad later. A date is not the time or place for window shopping for a relationship; it is about conversations, touch and go, and fun. Play cool but not indifferent, be polite but not eager, and remember to say ‘no’ when you want to. Point is, go as far as your body commands you to!
FIRST DATES HAVE ONE MOTIVE TO SEDUCE AND TYPICALLY END WITH ONE OF TWO REACTIONS: JUMP OR DUMP
Volume 1 Issue 1