On The Same Lines

1st April 2016

109

Nisha JamVwal explores the possibilities of working out a relationship with a person you share your professional space with

Friends of mine, Raju and Anshu Buddhiraju are both bankers. They met at the bank , fell in love, live with each other and as we sit to sip on tea together, relating our catch-up stories, they fondly relate scenarios about their long chats at night cuddled in their quilt, discussing funny clients and bank anecdotes with each other companionably at night.

Another set of dentist friends who met at Dentistry school, fell madly in love and married; but on the other hand rather soon found out that they were getting onto each other’s nerves -until they came to some solution of working at different branches of their clinics to give each other space. A union of partners in the same profession is more often a challenging situation at the best of times, but some sail through seamlessly and happily like a fairy tale. On the other hand it can turn the marriage into a war zone where differences in opinion can actually jolt a magical relationship into a nightmare.
Friends in the hotel line got married through hotel management school and tell me how they prefer to marry within their profession and even in the same company. Their partners are more accommodating to erratic timings and more empathetic to work fatigue. They also swap each other’s shifts if there is a crisis at home and are able to cover hours for each other. There is no space for suspicion and explanation and there is a lot of sharing and caring which is integral to a relationship. The very same situation can turn upon its head in the entertainment, television and acting lines because instead of having an understanding of the ‘funda’ of the profession, all sorts of suspicions, distrust, temptations create threatening scenarios that they almost throw each other out of the relationship every night.
Famed artist Jaideep and Seema Mehrotra work together, and have done so for thirty years. “We keep it together by delineating each other’s duties and not being too interfering, demanding or preachy. It is important for a couple to be clear of what is the scope of work of each spouse and allow space for each other.” Also couples who work together enjoy more time together and are able to see their loved ones more than just at night when they are tired and done with the day exhausted.
When I think about a couple working in the same organization I know that salary comparisons and competitiveness are issues too. I’ve seen couples drift apart due to one triumphing and the other feeling demotivated. And then there is the fear of a crunch time in the company or a disaster at work where both get affected instead of a couple where one can hold the fort if another’s company goes through crisis. These situations pose real life predicaments that also can strain interpersonal relationships. I’ve seen relationships end on bitter notes that were once of love, sharing and caring.
If I was to share a personal experience, I’ve seen more energy and excitement when partners belong to different fields. There is that special zing to a relationship where each brings different core competencies to the table and meet after dealing with their work and coming home to a different fresh atmosphere with an interest and awe about their partners work.
The bottom line in relationships is to deal with a bond in a state of love, equanimity and not like a circumstance where the ego has to prove a point. A marriage has to be win win for both and to work that out one has to figure out temperaments and find out what works for a couple because each equation is different, unique and special. Of course discord and disparity can grow in any relationship of love, like a fungal growth. I feel in a marriage where there is no professional partnership, there is no antagonism to the others equally strong stands. In the home sphere, for all psychological reasons there is more willingness to give and take and to surrender to a degree to the others opinion however strongly one may feel.
For a solution in a common workplace, I’d say go from the known to the unknown which is easier. If a spouse remembers that in the home front, he or she says ‘ok darling, we’ll go your way” it’s no big deal, and if you bring the same attitude to the work front it’s often a harmonious outcome. And surely giving in, understanding or empathizing with the others viewpoint need not necessarily result in immense disaster in the workplace. Love and harmony are a given and mutual respect for each other’s feelings are the important fulcrum to the working of a relationship, the pros of a companionable working relationship and happy person far outweigh the downside. Love does conquer all. To bring it to its maximum optimal level one must do whatever it takes to work things to their maximum advantage. If the adage ‘opposites attract’ work for you, use that route. If you derive comfort from a partner in your own profession then go for that path and enjoy the journey.