True happiness is much more than material possessions, fame and wealth, says Nisha JamVwal
When I heard of Robin Williams, an American actor, taking his own life, I was shocked beyond reason. He, who once made the world laugh is now no more. When the world sees a happy, well-adjusted energetic person it might not be a reality. The news of the death of one of Hollywood’s greatest comedians baffled me. Prior to that, many years ago, Dale Carnegie, American writer, who wrote self-help books on happiness also took his life due to depression.
Instances like these make me wonder what happiness is all about, how does one define and quantify it and more importantly, how do we find it in our lives?
What Is Happiness?
Is it a success and material possessions? Can’t be! Because then Alexander McQueen, a celebrated, loved and wealthy to the point of excess fashion designer, would definitely not have taken his life. Could it be pain and tragedy that cause a person to end their lives? I doubt that because pain and unhappiness are part of every human’s life existence. Yes, I know, depression and drug overdose are obvious causes, but in the first place, they occur due to inadequacies born out of unhappiness. Name, fame, wine, song, all the conveniences that are supposed to make life ‘happy’ and ‘comfortable’… What more could life have offered them? What was so lacking that all this and even life itself was not worth it?
A mystery most tragic and one that we will never know, as the saying goes, ‘dead men tell no tales’. Difficult as it may be to understand – that has got it all, cannot provide long term peace and lasting happiness, my conjecture is that accumulations and adulations cannot solve problems. Quite obviously they are hollow and life can seem empty despite the props that one lusts after. The real high is in the journey within us. It is where the meaning and value of existence lies.
I’m not going to preach from spiritual guides, it’s for us all to find our own answers, but when curiosity took me to hear Sadhguru Jaggi, one thing that resonated clearly to my understanding is what he said about happiness and life – “Even earthworms can make a living. There is life beyond work and career and earning a living and eating sleeping and procreating. There is the real meaning of living – going into one’s inner consciousness and delving into the self.” I get it. That true connection with ourselves, being comfortable in our own company, finding peace with our demons, failures, losses, coming to peace and finding reconciliation with it all. To my mind, this is what allows us to live with ourselves and not reject and end our lives. In a more general sense, to be kind, generous, giving, forgiving, averting gossip and negative conversations are not words from a moral science lesson; they do up the feel-good factor immensely. They give you a sense of general well-being.
Be who you are without trying hard to be what your friends and family expect you to be. Allow people around you to understand your needs, your feelings, communicate and also try never to compare. You can never be as good as, as rich as, as happy as…
Each of us has a unique life and must work out our own happy quotient through spiritual calm and active positive pursuits of contemplation and action. Extricate people who pull you down from your life. The universe is full of beautiful people and places. Why waste time with people who tire you, use you and abuse you? You must learn to edit and sift out the chaff from the wheat. It is a difficult exercise to throw out the debris, but each of us has to. As a growing-up process, do it forcibly.
Get Rid Of Negativity
I recently sat down, reflected and edited out those people whom I found spent copious amounts of time in gossip and laughing at others’ life choices, ambition and pain. My friend of eighteen years, I found, left me exhausted after every meeting. I realised that Sandeep Seth must be got rid of. So like cancer that was growing in my life, I forcibly extricated him. We have to make tough calls to lighten our burdens and allow ourselves to soar and fly. Last week my best friend did not reply to my WhatsApp messages despite three reminders. I was offended. Turned out she hadn’t got even one. Jumping to conclusions and making hypotheses’ can be painful to you and can complicate life. Do not think too much; instead, be calm, communicate and don’t bottle up problems. Have positive people around you. Happy people, calm friends and objective counsellors can help make life more equanimous.
And most importantly, simplify. Simplify life, simplify living and keep happy. Appreciate the prized values of giving, sharing, kindness, generosity, love and helping others around you. You will be surprised how much self-worth, joy and long term peace and happiness these qualities will bring.
Read more of Nisha’s point of view at www.nishajamvwal.blogspot.in, tweet to her @ nishjamvwal and write to her at firstname.lastname@example.org