At a very tender age when children are learning basic life lessons, I learnt them too. The difference was that unlike the others, I learnt a huge one. In India, you will find a lot of people who think of the word ‘divorce’ as taboo. Frankly, I think there is nothing wrong about it. If two people do not get along, then they have the authority to do what they feel is right. Society’s acceptance should not play an important role when you are taking such a decision. After all, we have to live with the consequences of our choices and so it is only fair that we should be given the liberty to make the right decision. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I would say that if one is more than comfortable with watching television shows that envisage such a scenario then why is it far from being accepted by society?
Harsh Realities
I am 15 years old now, and I have gone through a lot in past, but who hasn’t? My parents separated in April 2003, when I was only six years old. At the time, I did not really understand what was happening. But I am thankful to my mother for not hiding the truth from me and letting me know what I deserved to know. She came down to the level of my understanding and explained to me what was going on. She told me that my parents weren’t husband and wife anymore and that we would not be living with my father any longer. Too young to realise what this actually meant, I fit in as much as I could grasp into my 6-year-old brain.
Today, when I look back, I am able to appreciate what my mother did. If she had not decided to expose me to reality, I don’t think I would have coped with it as well as I have done today.
By 2005, I was well aware of what was going to happen. I understood that my parents weren’t going to stay together anymore and that I was to live with my mum. March 2007 was when their divorce was finalised. I had grown up ‘enough’ by then and took things more positively.
A lot of times people glance at me with questioning eyes and wonder how I dealt with these changes at such a young age and how much of an impact my parent’s divorce must have had on my life. In response, I generally have a very simple and straightforward answer to provide them with. It was definitely not a walkover!
I am a normal kid, and I am prone to being as affected as everybody else. It certainly has had an impact on me in many ways, both positively and negatively. It has given me the strength and maturity to deal with a lot of things. I have grown to be independent, learnt to take my own decisions and not trouble my mum for petty things. Long story short, I have learnt to take care of myself very efficiently. At the same time, the fact that I don’t have a father around does bother me at times.
New Father Figures
It was difficult to feel the absence of a father figure with the rest of my family around. They had different ways of pampering me and various ways of teaching me things too! They were each a father to me in their own way. My mother and grandmother proved to be an immense support for me. If it wasn’t for them, I have no idea who I would have talked to about all that I felt. More than being my family, they’re my friends with whom I can crack the silliest of jokes and know that they will laugh as hard as me; friends who will back me up whenever I’m going through a rough patch; lifelong friends who will stay with me because I have no escape from them, and I am so glad about that! Especially with my mother, I am very open and can talk to her all day long about absolutely anything, unlike other teenagers of my age who do not share the same equation with their parents.
My childhood was filled with many memories but there are some that are painful to remember. However, I’m still glad that these memories exist because somewhere or the other they have shaped my personality and made me who I am. And all the people in my life who love me, love me for the person that I am today.
Nevertheless, it is quite difficult when someone asks you questions like, ‘Why don’t you write your father’s name?’ Especially if you’re young and naïve that’s the last thing you know how to deal with.
I clearly remember one incident that took place in my school when one of my classmates said, ‘Oh! How will she know anything about this? She doesn’t even have a proper family.’ That comment hit me like a tidal wave and I was deeply hurt by these harsh words. I went home and cried a lot.
But beneath those tears, I learnt something for a life time: One should never bother about what people say to you. They have their own opinion and you have yours. The reason each person looks different is because they have been made so. And if you too start thinking like them, then what will remain of the point of being created differently? Also, nobody knows what you have been through or what sort of person you actually are. So never let someone else comment on your problem or your life for that matter. It is your business and you have all the copyrights to it! Look out for your best interests and don’t let other people’s judgements change your decisions.
If I had to make space for what people spoke and thought, I don’t know how things would have been today. But as I said, your past shapes your today!
A Memorable Childhood
People dominantly have a prejudice that since my parents are no longer together I must have had a lot of problems. Well, yes, I did take time to settle down, to accept myself and to accept my family background but they weren’t the kind of problems people assume.
I can proudly say that even though my mother is a single parent, it still has not and will never evade me from all the ice-creams and chocolates of my childhood and the precious moments that life has to offer.
I have enjoyed a memorable childhood and never felt neglected because I did not have a father. Neither did I grouse just because I did not have my dad’s surname. I was more than willing to drop my dad’s surname and take up that of my mother. I love my mother very much and I’m so proud of her!
A Word of Advice
Never let anyone make you feel inferior because your parents didn’t get along. Big deal! That’s their problem and not yours. You have the right to talk to your parents and ask them about it. You can also reach out to a close friend or relative if you find yourself in need of help. Don’t hesitate in reaching out to other people. Also, never think that your parents’ divorce is your fault. It never is.
If two people do not get along well, then they have the authority to do what they feel is right. Society’s acceptance or failure to accept is not to play a role.
Volume 2 Issue 1
