A number of things can go wrong in a relationship. While you cannot completely avoid them, you can always try to set things right. Pooja Salvi shares some relationship gyaan and the remedies to your troubles
CLINGY MUCH?
Symptoms: Sending a number of texts to your partner without any replies from him/her, constantly calling in spite of knowing that they are busy,
asking them for their Facebook/Twitter passwords to check on their personal messages, checking their phone messages/contacts.
Effects: Your partner may suffer from irritation, suffocation, anger and loss of interest.
Remedy: Giving your partner space and time is important. Wait for eight or nine hours for them to get back to you. DON’T ask them for their passwords because that will be invading their privacy.
MEET MY EXPECTATIONS!
Symptoms: Need to establish cordial relationships with your partner’s family/friends, expecting him/her to spend a lot of their time and money on you, or something more drastic – embracing your partner’s religion.
Effect: Irritation, he/she may completely avoid communication or may get stressed.
Remedy: Discuss your expectations with your partner. Be a little understanding of their situations and don’t expect them to bend according to your needs.
“Girls need too much of time. If I tell her I’m busy and that I’ll talk to her later, she gets upset and then expects me to call her up and apologise for it. This is so irritating! Was it even my fault in the first place?” says Taha Sayed.
SEX! SEX!! SEX!!!
Symptoms: You cannot wait to gets into your partner’s pants, you prioritise sex, you ‘sext’ every time you pick up the phone to text them.
Effect: It can gross out your partner by making you look desperate.
Remedy: Sex is a very big step in a relationship. Before doing something that you might regret later on, make sure it is worth it. Have a proper conversation about it before rushing into anything. If your partner is uncomfortable about the entire idea, talk to them about it instead of forcing it on them.
I DON’T TRUST YOU. NO, WAIT! I DO. MAYBE.
Symptoms: Constantly nagging them with questions (where, with whom, why, how), getting insanely jealous, feeling insecure, checking e-mails/ messages/contacts.
Effect: This can not only hurt them but they might also resort to lying to escape your interrogation. They may feel suffocated and irritated because of too much interference.
Remedy: Find out if the reason behind your being insecure is really your partner. If not then you have certain issues to solve first.
BABY, YOU ARE THE WORLD TO ME!
Symptoms: Spending way too much time with your partner, doing things for them by going out of your way.
Effects: Your partner might think that this is invading their personal time/space. They may feel suffocated and irritated. Neglecting yourself also has adverse effects on you – their friends become your friends, and you have no interests of your own. If by chance you break up, you are left all alone with no chances of recovering.
Remedy: Try spending some time apart. It is not only healthy for the relationship but also healthy for you as an individual. Plan a day out with your own friends and spend time with them – go shopping, go out to a pub. Don’t keep your life confined to your partner alone.
Drishti Valecha, 20, says, “While neglecting yourself in the relationship you don’t realize that you are neglecting other important things as well, like your studies or your friends. You start loving yourself a little less and moulding your priorities around your partner.”
YOU WANNA FIGHT? GAME ON, BABY!
Symptoms: Picking fights for no reason, going off topic during an argument or using tears/emotions to win a dispute.
Effect: This is really stressful not only for your partner but also for yourself. Constantly fighting for no reason means that you both have unresolved issues as a couple.
Remedy: Try talking things over and discuss about the problems instead of having irrational and pointless arguments.
I DON’T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR FRIENDS
Symptoms: Escaping meeting/talking to their friends, making excuses to avoid outings with them, acting cold and arrogant when around them.
Effect: Not being friendly enough may disappoint your partner.
Remedy: You can try being a little friendly even if you are shy or reserved. There’s no harm hanging out with your partner’s friends. If at all you are uncomfortable around his/her friends, let your partner know.
TIME FOR A LITTLE CHANGE
Symptoms: Not liking that shirt he wears or him hanging out with the women she detests or the dark red lipstick she puts on or her wearing short clothes.
Effects: This cannot really be taken by your partner in a positive manner. They can get offended and feel that they are probably not able to keep you happy.
Remedy: Dropping subtle hints asking him/her to get rid of their habits is not the remedy. There are two things that can be done – if you value being with them, adjust and appreciate the way they are. If not, get over it already.
YOUR PARTNER IS A KEEPER IF…
* They aren’t embarrassed about introducing you to their friends or including you in their outings.
* Even if what you like might not be their favourite thing, they are always willing to give it a try.
* They encourage and support you in pursuing your dreams.
* Your friends enjoy being around him/her.
* You are both able to communicate about your feelings and needs honestly without a horrible fight.
* You are capable of doing your own thing from time to time without the other becoming irrationally jealous, suspicious or angry.
* Most importantly, he/she makes you laugh!
