In today’s day and age of ephemeral relationships, Nisha JamVwal poses the million-dollar question – ‘do one-night-stands work at all’?
Recently, I was invited to speak to students at a prestigious college on college life, survival and life issues. In the course of the session, the obvious subject that came to the fore was sex and I was asked for my viewpoint on one-night-stands. What made it even more difficult was that it was a mixed audience of boys and girls. These days with boys and girls aged nineteen going on twenty-nine, it becomes a little obsolete, to begin with views on safe sex in relation to birds and bees.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Victorian but on a lighter note, I do believe that especially for a girl it can be an experience that leaves her feeling ravaged and unfulfilled. No, I’m not from the age of the dinosaurs when I say that women are more emotional, get more attached and are hurt easier than men. This is of course not rule of thumb. Today’s metrosexual man is also capable of much depth and attachment to his woman, but biologically a woman tends to get attached and feel clingy especially when her hormones act up.
Bollywood’s famous one-night-stands
Like it or not, many Indian men enjoy the chemistry and the physicality but when it comes to marriage, they still prefer to go with the conservative type of girl. It’ll take some time to change that mindset definitely. You still have the guys who’ve studied and lived abroad that are broad minded. As hinted by Akshay Kumar in the film Holiday, guys are often even averse to the very virginal inexperienced variety of women when it comes to marriage. They often seek an equal partner who walks shoulder to shoulder with her man, is great in bed and fun to converse with.
This got me thinking beyond the obvious thoughts that I’ve stated earlier. The downside I realized, besides the fear that a girl may get attached or the guy may talk post the experience – is that one-night-stands may give you a certain reputation at the office or where you live, and unless you are thick skinned you may get hurt.
The other problem you might face is in the morning after and depends on how you deal with the situation. In Band Baja Barat, Anushka Sharma, deals with the morning after happily, but Ranveer Singh is the one who is uncomfortable and feels that he will be trapped into dating her. He can’t seem to deal with the baggage and they go into a cold war situation.
One more night?
Research suggests that the relationship quality of partners who wait to jump into bed until they get serious have a higher chance of survival and are of a better fabric. Nothing suggests that indulging in the physical romp early in the game is to be blamed for discord. Dating and waiting just ensures that you haven’t jumped the gun and that you actually have the connection for the longer term. There is also evidence to suggest that people who frequently get into short term trysts or one-night-stands do not have the interest or mindset to work at developing a relationship and nurturing a rapport and the ability to create long term ties. This type of partner is also viewed as somewhat flighty and not dependable in the long term.
While it sounds archaic to play the ‘hard to get’ game and while many dislike ceremony in this day and age, the fact that human beings value something after a chase is an age-old truth. Nothing is more lacking in value than something easy to get. You must remember that to work to get anything, be it a book, a car, a girl or a guy, it gains in value and preciousness when you get it after some work that goes into acquiring it.
After all, man is a hunter in his primordial coding. That said, I’d stick to my initial belief, that one must take time, build something with more value to enjoy a more meaningful relationship. It’s healthier, safer and kinder to yourself and the investments you make in terms of time, effort and feelings.