Talk It Through

Why counsellors are a good idea to save a relationship

Every relationship goes through phases. The first phase or the honeymoon phase is most often during the initial days when everything is perfect. The relationship seems like a fairytale. What most fairy tales don’t tell you is that relationships take work to make them perfect. In most cases, as time flies and the relationship grows, fights and misunderstandings tend to take place. So what does a couple do then? Do you call it off and go your own ways or do you fight to keep your love alive? The better option would always be to fight for what you want and believe in it for good!

To give your fight for love a boost and some much needed help, many couples today have started turning to external sources for help in the form of counsellors. Most times than not, counsellors are able to provide a neutral perspective to a fight, be the voice of reason in times of doubt and misgivings and help a couple work their way through their fights and remember why they fell in love with each other in the first place.

Although a lot of couples do need counselling, not many will admit it. Malusha Dias, a renowned counsellor in Goa, who works closely with teenagers feels that counselling, is very important for every couple. “Every human being is different. Like every finger on our hand is not the same likewise every couple is different. And through the length of a relationship they are constantly getting to know each other. Conflicts tend to occur. While some couples get through it, others don’t. Some stand the test of time. And some need a little help. Adjusting to different situations, friend circles, the other person’s habits can be a little difficult”, she says. Here is where counselling comes in to the picture. “Counselling gives couples a little help to understand their relationship better and get to know and adjust to the partner better and in an easy way. Counselling is done both ways. Some sessions are solo and some of together. Both are an important part of couple counselling.” Malusha also adds that if a couple really wants their relationship to work out, they will opt for counselling rather than taking the easy way out and breaking up.

Here are some of the reasons why couples should go for counselling as therapy:

When you aren’t talking to each other

The most common reason for relationships to fail is lack of communication. When you and your partner feel like you aren’t talking to each other, or talking properly, that should be the first sign that your relationship needs help and you should seek it before things get out of control.

When you feel you are being punished

If you feel like your partner is giving you the silent treatment and refusing to talk or starts acting like a parent with a small child or there is an imbalance in roles in the relationship, you need to head to a counsellor at the earliest.

When you keep secrets

Everyone has the right to privacy in a relationship, but when you start keeping secrets from your partner about whom you are meeting, where you are etc, it’s time to get help.

When you are living separate lives

If you feel like you and your partner are drifting apart, talking less and becoming more like friends than lovers, it might be time to see a counsellor. This lack of intimacy and communication may indicate that you need professional help to sort out what’s missing in your relationship and how to get it back on track.

When you are constantly fighting

Small things about your behaviour can trigger the other person but this doesn’t give it enough reason to be a constant reason for arguing. When you are fighting all the time, it would be wise to talk to a therapist and figure out what the root cause of the issue is and how you can solve it.

When you want only the other person to change

You know your relationship has problems, but you feel that they would all go away if only your partner changed is definitely not the right attitude. The only person that needs change in this situation is you. This is the reason why we recommend couple counselling in such situations to better understand what you want out of your relationship in the long run and to help you grow.