Youth Incorporated Magazine

With cheating becoming the new normal in modern relationships, Palak Kapadia lists telltale signs to identify that your partner might be cheating on you and how to deal with it.

When it comes to love, most of us have rosy pictures of ‘happily-ever-after’s. We feel love is an invincible force immune to all evil. And then, we have our naivety shattered. As much as we would love to believe in fairy tale romances, it cannot be denied that cheating is real and it indeed does happen.

A partner cheating is one of those things we feel will always happen to someone else. Till it happens to us.

If you have an inkling that your partner could be cheating on you, here are some things you should watch out for:

1. You sense it
The telltale sign of a cheating partner? Having to ask the question in the first place. It is an old belief that if you feel you are being cheated on, you probably are. If your instinct is telling you that something is amiss, that is one of the biggest indicators of trouble in paradise.

2. His behavior is out of the ordinary

Do you see him suddenly breaking routines that he has been following for years? Or he suddenly starts using a phrase very frequently that he has never used before? Those are some major signs to watch out for.

3. She’s light about the details
Instead of coming home and filling you in on a minute-by-minute update of her day or all the gossip after her Girls’ Night Out, she barely divulges any details anymore. She seems more secretive and cagey. Major uh-oh.

4. He is increasingly secretive

He pays more attention to his phone than he does to you. When he goes to the washroom, he takes his phone along. He has to leave the room to take calls. These are definite signs of betrayal.

5. Her preferences are completely new
When someone spends enough time with someone else, they begin to adopt their views, or at least understand them. If your girlfriend is interested in things that she hated before, perhaps someone else is influencing her more than usual.

6. He is always MIA

Your significant other is constantly off the radar. You have no clue about his whereabouts, he doesn’t answer his phone and only much later comes up with excuses like he was busy or sleeping. Well, this might be true a few times. But if you’re constantly facing this kind of a situation, it is perhaps time to confront him about it.

7. The little signs
Cheating is something that can’t be very well disguised. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you, you are sure to come across little signs that are telltale. Their car seat is adjusted differently from how you remembered leaving it, you come across unexpected shopping receipts or restaurant bills. These are some major indicators that you shouldn’t ignore.

8. She rationalizes cheating
So, you happen to mention to her that your friend’s girlfriend is cheating on him and how terrible it is. But instead, she says, that maybe she didn’t love him anymore or that it was just in the moment; anything that rationalizes her cheating on him. This is nothing but her own defense mechanism kicking in subconsciously.

9. He has completely withdrawn from your friends and family
Your girl friends thought he was an amazing conversationalist. Your family absolutely adored him and loved to spend time with him. Needless to say, he too enjoyed hanging out with your friends and family. But off late, he doesn’t really jump at the thought of socializing with them.

10. She is discreet about her schedule
Any question from your end about her plans for the day is met with vague, non-committal answers. She no longer divulges where she is going to be or what she is going to be doing. On the other hand…

11. She is overly interested in your schedule
She is way too interested in your schedule and what you plan to do. The sudden extreme interest seems weird and not like her to you.

12. He thinks you’re insecure

If you happen to confront your partner about any of the above; he blames you for being too insecure. If in your heart of hearts, you know that this isn’t stemming from insecurity, it is time you had a serious conversation with him.

 

People cheat on other people for a lot of reasons. But no reason really justifies the act or makes it less hurtful. It has the capacity to create a permanent rift between two people. If you are someone who has been cheated on, here are a few tips on how to deal with it

1. Don’t blame yourself
Even if you have been less than perfect in the relationship, them cheating on you is never your fault. Every relationship has issues. Cheating on your partner isn’t a solution for any of them.

2. Confront them when you are ready
As unpleasant as it sounds, you know you have to address the elephant in the room at some point. It is the best for both of you to be upfront about it and talk it out. This is the most crucial step and probably the only chance to salvage the relationship.

3. Don’t tell everyone about it
Yes, you are hurt and angry and want to vent it out. But telling the whole world and their neighbor about it isn’t going to help anyone. In fact, if you do intend to give the relationship another shot, this might just make things worse.

4. Be vocal about your feelings
Even if it does feel embarrassing, don’t play nonchalant and pretend it isn’t a big deal. Let your partner know about the angst that you are feeling. If they don’t know it, it will be very difficult for you to move ahead as a couple

5. Rebuilding trust
If your partner does express regret over what he or she has done and the two of you decide to reconcile, you have to rebuild your trust in your partner. Talk it out with him or her and find out why exactly they cheated.

6. Let time heal

Most importantly, understand that forgiveness is a process. Don’t feel the pressure to forgive your partner immediately, even if they are desperate to win back your trust. It is completely okay to take your time to heal.

7. Know when to end it

Even after every effort to make things work if you just can’t seem to be able to move on, let it go. Some things cannot be forgiven. Know when it is time to leave it behind.

As common as it is now becoming, cheating has the potential to break hearts like nothing else does. At the end of the day, no relationship matters as much as your peace of mind does. Love yourself enough to do what’s best for you.