Living in the Shadows

Priyanka Sahajwani was six years old when she first developed a fondness for drawing. Now, she has developed such a strong passion for this hobby that she’s happiest while pursuing it. But behind her smiling exterior is a touching story of selfacceptance.
Priyanka Sahajwani, a 15-year-old student of Delhi Public School (Pune), has been through her share of ups and downs in life. While she has coped well with different situations, there is one issue in particular that took Priyanka a long time to come to terms with. This issue had a major impact on Priyanka’s life and caused her to supress her own identity. Through most of her childhood, Priyanka focused on one thing only and that was to be the exact replica of her sister.

Big Shoes to Fill
Through most of her schooling, Priyanka was living in the shadows of her older sister, who’s list of achievements kept increasing at a steady rate. Priyanka feels having an all-rounder sibling can be a real headache! When asked if she is expected to be more like her sister at home, Priyanka replies, “Of course, it’s something I can’t escape!’’
Since she was ten-years-old, Priyanka has been expected to be like her sister in every possible way. She was constantly reminded of the fact that her sibling was better at things and pressured into being more like her. ‘’My mother would genuinely expect me to treat my sister as my role model,” says Priyanka. Priyanka’s teacher, who taught both the sisters, expected Priyanka to
reflect the same admirable qualities of her sister. ‘’My family-friends too would see me as someone who should perform just like my sister or maybe better than her,” she reveals. Especially in the field of studies, she was always expected to match her sister’s performance. A better option would have been for Priyanka to put in her level best and bring out results that were a payback for her own hard work.
This proved to be a very low point in Priyanka’s life. Now when she looks back, Priyanka remembers it as a time when she was not comfortable in her own skin. The fact that she could not push herself to be as efficient as her sister prevented her from discovering herself. She spent most of her time trying to match her sister’s achievements, ‘”I was blindly competing with my sister so that others were satisfied, ’’ explains Priyanka.
One would expect such a situation to have strained relations between the two sisters, but surprisingly Priyanka says that was never the case. This is because Priyanka was completely focused on being like her sister and did not blame her for the the pressure she was under. However, once Priyanka began to focus on herself, the bond between the two sisters strengthened and their relationship reached new heights.

Discovering a Separate Identity
It is commonly said that a person is both the cause and the result of his own eudemonia. Therefore, doing what makes you happy is much more important than trying to achieve something that others perceive as an easy task for you. Unfortunately, this isn’t something Priyanka realised back then. Whether alone or around other people, she was conscious of her every movement. There was a constant dissatisfaction in her mind because she could not be the achiever her sister was.
It hasn’t been a long time since Priyanka made her peace with the problem of ‘sibling comparison’. Reminiscing, Priyanka says, “the inception of my path towards selfacceptance can be recollected as the time when people actually started accepting that I might be better at something else.’’
Ironically, it was through her parents that Priyanka realized how she was blindly following her sister’s footsteps. “There came a time when my parents started acknowledging me as another daughter, with different abilities and interests.” This development helped Priyanka view herself in a new light. Her confidence gradually increased and a distinct personality began to emerge.
Once Priyanka opened her eyes to a world outside her sister’s achievements, she began to appreciate her own talents in ways that surprised her. As soon as she realized that she and her sister are two distinct individuals, her confidence increased and people began noticing her as a unique personality. She finally learnt to ignore what people expected from her and instead set out to discover herself. Through these changes, Priyanka learnt to satisfy herself and that was definitely a start!

Paradigm Shift
Priyanka has now adopted a healthier outlook and celebrates the differences between her sister and herself. “We are two different people; two distinct personalities. Personally, I think that although she is better than me in studies and other extra-curricular activities, there are some things that I specialize in. For example, drawing and cooking are some of the things I am better at,’’ she reveals. “If people expect me to be like her then that’s fine with me, but at the end of the day I would still like to be myself,” says Priyanka.
Nevertheless, she does admit that she never looks back at the time when she was living under her sister’s shadow with regret because it did grant her a great deal of learning. And she is grateful for that learning because it has shaped her into the individual she is today.

Just be Yourself
It’s been a bumpy ride but now Priyanka has finally reached a stage in her life where she is comforable being herself. Comparisons between Priyanka and her sister have not disappeared, but Priyanka’s negative reaction to the issue certainly has.
“It’s always better to know that people think of me as a different body, mind and soul; however, I will never lose respect for those who expect the best out of me!” Priyanka sums up with a thought that is applicable to all our lives. “The secret to living a peaceful life is accepting oneself, no matter how harsh other people‘s opinions about you might be,’’ she says.

Priyanka spent most of her time trying to match her sister’s numerous achievements which ultimately took a toll on her. “I was blindly competing with my sister so that others were satisfied,” she explains.

Volume 2 Issue 1