The Woes Of Self-Doubt

Insecurities are a silent serial killer for most people who deal with them on a regular basis. Anushka Saboo talks about the negativity that they bring along and how to combat them

Ever felt that tug of a rope, tied to your conscience, holding you back? That nagging sense of self doubt, constantly plaguing your mind like a fly that just won’t leave your food? Yes, that’s what we’re getting at; the ceaseless waves of insecurities. The web that has been woven since our toddler years has only multiplied in magnitude and complexity as we step into life, entangling us at every step. If not nipped in the bud, it creates such havoc on our self-esteem that every time your toes touch the ground below, a notion of self-doubt reaches your feet and travels up your spine. This not only hinders every facet of your life, but it also acts as a limiting factor for any task you want to undertake. Insecurities are the bane of our existence. However, the question remains – how can you extricate yourself from this demon’s clutches?

The first step to overcome anything, is acknowledging its significance and in order to do that, it is imperative to understand what it fundamentally is. There is no need to boggle our mind with psychological and scientific jargon. Let’s talk in absolute layman’s language – insecurities are nothing but an emotional interpretation. It’s merely what you think of yourself in relation to society. Like offense and bitterness, it grows in a layered fashion. Insecurity robs by degrees; the degree to which it is entrenched equals the degree of power it has in the person’s life.

Regardless of whether we realize it, we all have very carefully painted an ideal picture perfect image of what we think we should be like and constantly strive to emulate this persona of perfection. While our appearance must be just like the look on the glossy page of Vogue, our minds cannot be anything short of brilliant. And let’s not leave out the toned legs of a swimmer and the confidence of a leader – a mere necessity, right? We put ourselves under a permanent strain, failing to comprehend that one day the elastic may just have been stretched beyond its limit.

First and foremost, the image of perfection needs to be completely obliterated from your mind. Shattering that glass is not enough; break it into a million pieces, set all of them on fire, and dance on the charred remains. Relish every second of destroying your shackles.

Once you have solidified who you shouldn’t be, start to appreciate who you actually are: a whole and unique entity. We are a generation that compares, evaluates and judges ourselves with great scrutiny, leaving absolutely no room for our own individuality, or as we prefer to term it as – ‘imperfections’. Embrace those flaws and kindle your flame of uniqueness. “Acceptance is one of the most challenging things for humans, but it ultimately leads to mental stability,” Dr Kunal Shoebh said.

1,10,000 tonnes of concrete was used for the foundation of the Burj Khalifa- the towering building that seems to ooze with grandeur and burst with strength, was only possible thanks to an extremely stalwart base. Unsurprisingly, we humans aren’t very different- we need to have roots of self confidence well grounded. If you can come to indisputable terms with yourself, be dead sure of who you are and what defines you, no external force will be able to touch even a strand of your hair. Another essential step is to get rid of everything that is standing in the way of loving yourself- if it’s people, surroundings or even just clothes-be completely and absolutely unapologetic.

Sadly enough, some of us don’t need others to sow the seeds of insecurity. We have a waging war going on within ourselves; our thoughts are our own bullets, we load the gun and our own fingers manage to pull the trigger. If the typical and as clichéd as it sounds ‘I’m not good enough’ is proving to be the impediment in your life, your fire and spirit is slowly going to slip from your fingers leaving you to eternal hopelessness. If you want to sidestep such a condition (let’s be real, who doesn’t?) you have to refer to these thoughts as external negativity that must be silenced. Stand up to them. Make them shut up. Figure out what makes you different, what makes you shine, and centre all of your frustrations onto this one spark. Work towards something with passion and before you know it, the confidence will set up its camp in your mind; there will be no room for insecurities that will consequently be pushed out.

Insecurity stems from the very fact that we allow other’s opinions of ourselves to be a barometer that defines our character. The key of your happiness is conveniently taking shelter in someone else’s pocket. You could fall any second because your self-image can be squashed and squirmed by a mere comment or notion. The minute you learn how much significance to give to what other people say, you free yourself from the confines of judgment, self-doubt and unnecessary criticism. A competent and self-confident person is simply incapable of harbouring insecurities. Here’s a trick- ask yourself why something that somebody else says bothers you, then just laugh at the answer.

Why would you seek external validation if there were love pouring from within yourself? That gushing waterfall of confidence needs to be of such immense force, that nothing can deviate from its path. Don’t misunderstand my words and become a pompous, narcissistic brat who thinks he is the bee all and end all of life- be open to constructive criticism, never stop improving yourself but never stop to doubt yourself. If someone is more intellectual than you, It’s fundamental human nature to attempt to equal, if not outshine their capabilities- this is absolutely normal. You must start to read a little more but you must not dive into a pool of self-hate about how useless are (making you counterproductive). Insecurities end the moment you accept yourself and live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get to you, but because that is all you want to do.

“Acceptance is one of the most challenging things for humans, but it ultimately leads to mental stability,”
Dr Kunal Shoebh

 

Volume 5 Issue 9