The psychology of fear and how it shapes our daily lives

Fear is a 4-letter word that grips us from the get-go. We feel like its slave and we want to break free from its clutches. There is a strong biochemical reaction that we feel to fear, and we want to run away or fight the thing that makes us fearful. We sometimes feel dull and aloof to the situations that surround us, and then other times we go away to find ourselves. What we fail to understand is that this fear is actually a guiding factor in our life.

We fear our failures and thus want to work harder and stronger. We fear our health worsening and exercise daily. We fear our parent’s criticism because we want to not disappoint them. We want to succeed, but we feel that fear tries to get in our way. On the contrary, fear is a societal safeguard that we think about everytime we want to try something new. These safeguards are meant to be broken and thought through, and that is why so few people are successful as entrepreneurs. Those that do succeed, become fearless about the things that cripple many of us.

When writing his book ‘No fear of failure’, Gary Burnison talks about Indra Nooyi (CEO, Pepsi) and how she faces fear head on and gets to the other side of life.

In her own words, ‘The distance between number one and number two is always a constant. If you want to improve the organization, you have to improve yourself and the organization gets pulled up with you. That is a big lesson. I cannot just expect the organization to improve if I don’t improve myself and lift the organization, because that distance is constant.’

What she means is that, fear propels humans to either be complacent or to wake up and improve ourselves. There’s a reason why CEOs are changed every 3 years, but Indira has been at the helm for more than a decade. The attitude that Indira brings to the table, is unmatched.

When we confront our fears, we usually want to run away. But according to psychologists who proposed the ‘Total immersion therapy’, they want you to be in as uncomfortable a situation as possible. By facing rejections or facing your fears over and over again, you are in a better position to create change in your own mind. This builds your mindset to switch over to the growth-mindset, which propels us to work harder and create more in lesser time. Fear becomes a direction and not a cause for concern. We feel sweaty and uncomfortable the first 5-6 times but then we get used to it and not feel the same flight-fight mode everytime we see it. We almost changed our personalities from the ground up with this technique.

In 2014, a Harvard researcher surveyed 116 CEOs and executives across the US. Out of the 116 CEOs surveyed, 73% were male and 27% were female. What he found was astonishing. The biggest fear that these CEOs felt was the fear of being called “incompetent” (imposter syndrome). What is the imposter syndrome? It’s the feeling that you are faking it and do not deserve the success that you have achieved. It stems from a deep-rooted fear of not disappointing our parents and teachers.

This common fear was caused because of unknown expectations and rapidly changing business environment. Participants kept being in the dark all the time and weren’t able to develop stronger resilience as there were so many expectations from them. Some of their other fears were underachieving, bad risks, too much politics, low honesty and bad culture. This was a common thread among many CEOS across the world.

Fears and dysfunctional behaviors influence human behavior from when we are young to when we are adults. Deadlines, competition, economic instability, etc. make it incredibly difficult for us to concentrate on the things that we truly want. This gives up deep-seated fears that form our personalities and generate ‘bad vibes’ across the classroom and boardroom. You must have noticed how certain professors are better/happier than others, and how you absorb more information from them.

The biochemical reaction that we have to fear is basically an evolutionary response to critical conditions. But the sense of relief or that “aha” moment, is the dopamine rush to our brain when we finally conquer our fear. That happiness after we’ve accomplished something makes us believe that anything is possible and drives our future behaviors.

“I had days when I didn’t have money for dinner. Let’s say having two cups of tea was a perk for me. I couldn’t take the bus so I walked to save Rs.10. I faced all fears head-on.”

Any guesses as to who said that famous quote? Yes, it was Vijay Shekar (Founder, PayTM). Now a multi-billion-dollar company, its roots were in bankruptcy. Vijay had no money left and had to borrow money from his friends just so he could have dinner and sleep. He worked 18-20 hours a day and made sure that his dream came true. He faced fear head-on and decided to not let it shape his own life.

“I used to take loans to eat food, it had gotten that bad at one point. Having two cups of tea was a luxury one some days. There were days where I didn’t have money for a bus ticket, so I had to walk 14kms+ to get to my destination. When you only look at one direction and don’t look any other way, that’s where you can chase what you seek.”