Fight The Friend Zone

Getting out of the friend zone is no easy task, but it isn’t impossible. Aparna Sundaresan provides some pointers on turning your platonic relationship into a romantic one

Nobody likes being in the friend zone. It’s an uncomfortable and awkward position to be in, especially when you have feelings for someone and you end up being their buddy. Or when you’ve been friends with someone for the longest time and suddenly you want to be something more to them, but they don’t see it. It’s painful just thinking about breaking the friend mould, so what do you do? Keep your feelings to yourself and hope they go away? We say ‘better out than in’, so don’t bottle up those feelings just yet.

Step one – Take a step back

Take a step back from your friend’s life. Be less interested and involved in their activities. This doesn’t give you the right to be cold and distant, though. Spend more time on the things you already do. This is a good time to catch up with some old friends as well. Instead of being a permanent fixture in your friend’s life, make guest appearances.

Step two – Disappear for a bit

You read that right. From guest appearances, become a no-show – not in the way that you ditch your friend, but in a way that you’re so busy with your life that you can no longer spare the time to see them. This piques your friend’s interest (especially if it’s a girl) – what are you doing that’s more important than them?

Step three – Do new things

Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn knitting, or salsa dancing, or calligraphy, or Portuguese, or go to the gym and get fit. Now is as good a time as any to take it up. A new hobby will keep your mind off your friend.

Step four – Make new friends

You can never have too many friends. Make new friends from the same and opposite sex. Being around new people will do you some good. Then go back to your friend-crush and tell them about all these awesome new buddies.

Step five – Go on a few dates

This is good for multiple reasons: one, when you date a few people and ask your friend for dating advice, you will make them a little jealous; two, you’ll show that there are more sides to your personality; three, you might actually meet someone you like better! After you’ve been with a few people, reconsider your friend-crush – are you still interested in them? The answer might surprise you.

Step six – Make them invest

In the relationship, that is. It’s possible that since you are the one with the feelings, you’ve done plenty of favours for your friend. Turn the tables; let them do things for you from time to time for a change. Let them know that you cannot be taken for granted.

Step seven – Hang out one-on-one

Start hanging out with your friend alone. Just the two of you. No group of friends surrounding you. This changes the dynamic of your interaction. Your friend will be forced to pay more attention to you. And by this time, if you’ve followed all these steps, your friend will also miss your constant presence in their life. This is when you take your conversation up a notch:

• Talk about other women or men and what turns you on about them (“I love girls in high heels” or “I love it when guys have messy hair”).
• Touch them in a light, playful way. Touch their arm or shoulder briefly. Physical contact is more powerful than one can imagine, and when done correctly, excites the other person. Don’t get creepy, though, and don’t do it too often. You don’t want your touch to seem like a one-time mistake but you also don’t want to come off as a pervert.

PSSST…..

• The common misconception is that women always put men in the friend zone. Not true. Women also find themselves in the friend zone at times.
• If you’re a girl who has a thing for her guy friend, you need not try the seven-step method right away. Men are usually more open to advances, so drop subtle hints first and see if he gets it; or just make a move on him. If he responds, go for it. If not, try the seven-step method.
• If you’re a guy who wants a girl’s attention, the easiest way to do so is by denying her attention. Girls like attention, so loss of attention will get you her attention.
• If none of these methods work, take the hint. They’re not interested. It’s best to take the rejection in your stride and move on.