Youth Incorporated Magazine

“It’s been more than 7 hours and he still hasn’t replied back to my text. What is it that is keeping him so busy?”- says my friend. 

She also complains saying things like, “He said he would call me back in 5 minutes. It’s been two hours and he still hasn’t called me. Why do you think he hasn’t called me back?”  or “We were going to meet this Sunday but he cancelled last moment saying he had to attend to something important.” or “He sends me a ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’ message and the moment I come offline, goes offline”. She further mentions things like “Soon after I start thinking that we might be heading forward, he disappears for three to four days and comes back with some reason like my phone wasn’t working” or “We went out on a date, it went great, he was very sweet, but he has texted me after that and has started replying late to my texts”

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Though I listen quietly, I feel like being honest and telling her that buddy you are being caspered. 

If you too find yourself complaining to your friend about the same things then I have to tell you what I soon going to tell my friend: You are being caspered. 

You must be wondering what does the word “Caspering” even mean. Let me tell you that caspering is a friendly way of denying someone’s proposal of dating which is used by people mostly singles if they aren’t interested in the person asking them out. It is very similar to ghosting where you slowly cut the person out of your life. 

Even though this might sound like a good and polite way of turning someone down, it’s not. It is nothing like it sounds. According to me, it is worse than ghosting someone. Why I say this is because while ghosting involves completely ignoring the person and just cutting down communication, in caspering, a person is left hanging in the middle wondering if you are interested in him/her or not. In caspering, the person is left with mixed signals.

There are many who are being caspered but fail to understand this. Caspering is not a healthy trend and has disturbed many, mentally and emotionally.  Before we dig into this, let us first look at the signs that will help us find out if we are becoming a victim of caspering. 

Given below are the most common signs of caspering: 

• Your date starts growing distant for reasons unidentified
• You get extremely late replies after 5-6 hours
• Your date cancels plans at the last moment
• Your date avoids meeting you or starts replying late when you initiate making plans of meeting
• Doesn’t call you even after promising to call you
• Makes a plan to meet you but doesn’t follow it through
• You very often receive very short text replies or one word replies like ‘ok’, ‘hmm’, ‘hi’, thnx, etc.
• Seems less interested to talk. He/she will never initiate a conversation, nor will give you a scope to continue with a conversation any further.

If this is something that has started happening with you, the most basic and simple thing to do will be taking a step back. Caspering is capable of biting our brains. As mentioned earlier, my reasons for stating that is has resulted in disturbing our mental health is because: 

• Throughout the day we are left wondering why the person hasn’t responded
• We are constantly thinking does the person like me
• After every five minutes, our eyes go on our phone to check if there is any notification from him/her
• Incase you have started developing feelings for the person, it gets even worse as it makes you sad to think that he/she might be avoiding or ignoring you.
• Mixed messages from the person leaves us confused and gives anguish which isn’t healthy.
• The worst to happen is that capsering can trigger anxiety and depression.

If this has been happening with you, talk to a friend about it or seek the help of a psychiatrist. 

If you are caspering someone, don’t do it. It is a cruel thing. Let me tell you, you are causing anguish and anxiety to someone who might have started liking you. It is okay to not feel the same for the person who likes you, but make sure you convey that to him/her. Do not give mixed signals. It’s the most pathetic thing you can do. Give a proper mature closure. It’s not that difficult to simply say “I had a great time with you but unfortunately I felt no spark between us. I am sorry, I don’t think we can take this forward. I hope you understand”

At least with this, the person won’t be left hanging and wondering about you. He/she will be able to move on.