Aggression, an Impediment to Your Personal Growth

Anger is treated in a variety of ways, especially in the modern societies we inhabit. The notion of “Angry Young Man” is quite popular in the Indian context. How this phenomenon came to exist, carved a place in the minds of countless individuals from the yesteryears and those today, reached a point of fascination, or was perceived as heroic, transgressed boundaries at times, is quite interesting. It was no longer a behaviour that could just be observed on a screen. Of course, the emotion of anger is far older and needs no grand cinematic entry. It makes us question, did the performances do justice to the entirety of the emotion. Or truly explore the depths of it? Perhaps they did, or they didn’t. That’s not a question for just one person to answer. It is better left up to the generations that have been witnesses to it all. What could be bothersome is whether anger or even worse, anger-led aggression, got legitimised in the process. Now, that is something that has far-reaching consequences.

Anger, accompanied by context, makes sense. Next comes a fine line. When channelled for a useful purpose and managed accordingly, it could have benefits. But when it makes people engage in harmful actions, it falls into the territory of maladaptive behaviours. As an emotion, it is quite normal. Hence, the need arises to understand it mindfully, learning to keep it in check. What counts as aggression? Defying authority, bullying, yelling, name-calling (both virtual and real), breaking things, interrupting, sarcasm (passive), gossiping based on stereotypical/discriminatory behaviours, spreading rumours, deliberate exclusion, isolating the self. Sounds familiar? In short, it refers to crossing lines that one isn’t supposed to.

Its consequences are layered. Emotionally, it amounts to sadness, inferiority, and a learned helplessness where the world is perceived as an unjust place. It affects not just the victim but also the aggressor/perpetrator. People around you are unhappy, and that’s the perfect breeding ground for unhealthy relationships in the long term. Socially, the victim harbours resentment towards the aggressor and people in general, and while they get uncomfortable, their other relationships too get affected. The aggressor, in an ideal situation, could end up alone without any friends. Regarding students, those on the receiving end are affected academically as well. Grades coming down and a looming threat at school or other places are the ways it costs them. Behaviourally, the victim too could become aggressive towards others to displace emotions. The aggressor is anyway engaged in maladaptive behaviours that show up as rule-breaking, an inability to focus or do well, not to mention compromised quality of sleep.

Aggression, too, is learned. In a family, younger siblings could pick it up from the older ones. So could children from the adults. Among peers, junior graders could learn from the senior graders. It helps to remember that it’s not about having the confidence to overpower others. Niceness matters. Acting as a bystander is a silent affirmation. You heard that right. The violence portrayed in the media influences young people who get disinhibited and desensitized as their view of reality gets changed, and they’re made to falsely believe this kind of distortion is just. They go on to imitate the same.

Managing it calls for identifying triggers, channelling anger, building empathy, and becoming assertive. The first step is the key point of emotional intelligence. As awareness sets in, one knows what they’re feeling, which could be rage, fury, or a lack of confidence that tries to bring others down to feel good. Rationalizing the actions is next. Catching it at the right time through internal cues like a racing heart rate, sweaty palms, clenched fists or jaws, and pressure on their temples helps to stop it. Changing places, talking to someone, drinking cold water, and doing anything to get distracted are ways to prevent acting upon it.

The second step is a sublimation of sorts: expression through written words, music playlists, art, hearing one’s own thoughts via talking to a ‘supporter,’ going for a jog, a dance, or playing a sport are ways to go. Regular breathing through relaxation techniques comes in handy. Problem-solving happens by looking at the situation objectively, looking at alternatives, and evaluating options. It isn’t merely about cognition but includes other factors such as adequate sleep, healthy diet, exercise, relaxation, recreation, and no substance use, which sum up to a compassionate and generous outlook.

The third step is to stop the blame game and take ownership. Talking to the ‘culprit’, which is themselves, helps aggressors put themselves in the victim’s shoes. It is an exchange of both points of view, with a greater focus on listening and trying to forgive the faulty actions of the self to be better.

The final step is to refrain from aggression. It is like a bulldozer that can’t handle a ‘no,’ doesn’t value others’ boundaries, and reaches a point of coercion, which eventually makes the aggressor lose out on good company. Since no extreme is beneficial, being a ‘doormat’ and absorbing all the negativity, no matter what, is just as unhealthy. Passive aggression is also like treading on thin ice as the hurtful comments, trolling, sarcasm, cyber-bullying, or any form it takes becomes almost second nature to the aggressor. Sometimes they fail to come out in the open, but they still don’t outgrow these tendencies. There’s every chance for them to hurt a dear one with this behaviour of theirs, even in physical spaces, as they’re too accustomed to the passive-aggressive version and can’t seem to outgrow that.

Affirmative action is when someone chooses to be ‘a signboard’—transparent, honest to themselves, putting their views forward and speaking their mind respectfully, never forgetting to carry themselves with responsibility and dignity. Where aggression stops, toxicity ends. Let us not invite our doom via aggressive patterns. It is high time we began unlearning them. Realizing that the damage and destruction it brings upon our lives is reason enough to turn over a new leaf.